January 6, 1999

Got your B.L. for the N.Y.? How 'bout that?

The city of Pacifica is aware of a whole lot of lawbreaking going on here in town which it chooses to studiously ignore, mainly because it's too much trouble to enforce the ordinance.

Hundreds, perhaps thousands of people here in town, are legally required to have business licenses. But they don't. For example, every 12 year old with a paper route is considered under the law to be an independent contractor.

Every independent contractor in Pacifica is supposed to have a business license, ($40 minimum annually) and a home occupation permit at $25. But, you say, "I don't make any money at what I do. It's a hobby, or it's done by mail." No matter. If you hold yourself out as an entrepreneur, you're supposed to have a license. I suppose every homeless man selling pencils out of his hat legally should have a business license. If you're a homeless beggar, that means you are an independent contractor. I presume that means you are required to have a homeless occupation permit? In my case, I am a professional proofreader. Understand, if I do it out of town the city isn't concerned. For example, if I work for the county election department, the city doesn't care. But if I advertise my services in the Chamber of Commerce Directory, which I have done, as a matter of fact, the city will do its best to make sure I wish I had a business license.

Since all business licenses expire on Oct. 31, I made the best of it and got my B.L. in the first week of November. I also paid my home occupation permit, though I refused to lie and say that I used 10 or 50 or 100 square feet for my business. I can fit my brain within one square foot at a time, so I said that my home occupation took up one square foot of my home. A proofreader doesn't need a lot of space. The use of an active brain, two eyeballs, a red or blue pencil, and a place to sit. That's all I need. The city finance department doesn't care if I ever make money. They didn't blink an eye when I put down $0 as my expected income. Since I don't know what to expect from my advertising, $0 is probably a valid estimate.

Chances are you are technically in need of a Business License. Or some member of your family. Does your ten year old son mow the neighbor's lawn? That'll be $40 please!

Did you help your neighbor with his income tax? $40 please. ("But, but, but" you sputter. "I did it as a favor. And all I got out of it was a can of beer." Not relevant. You acted as an independent contractor. Fill out the form, pay the $40 dollars.

If you help a neighbor change his oil, install some computer software, paint his living room, trim his hedge, repair his fence, sell him some Amway soap, trim his hair, or massage his sore back, better be sure you have your business license posted. It doesn't matter whether you got paid in cash. It doesn't matter whether you got paid at all. And for pete's sake, don't put an ad in the paper offering your services as a computer consultant or even as a clairvoyant. I guess it's even the rule, technically, you need a city license to sell your car. Technically.

Paul Azevedo proofreads everything, even cereal boxes. It drives his wife crazy at times.