Radio Script for
RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK - A Musical Emergency for Radio

July 8, 2017
Doors 7:00 pm - Musical starts 8:00 pm promptly!
Alameda Eagles' Hall
2035 Alameda Ave, Alameda, CA>

Songs to be written
Full Radio Play Script!
We need Voice Actors
& Radio Stage Hands!
Can you help?
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ABOUT THIS SCRIPT

This is the script for our Musical Emergency For Radio.

It will get shorter every week as unnecessary lines are cut and speeches or whole scenes are replaced by songs.

All lines are subject to change.

Song cues and other details will be added in.

If you will perform a song, please contact Martin and let me know exactly when your song in the script your song will begin, if changes will be needed, etc.

The voice-actor who reads a characters' dialogue may or may not be the same person(s) who sings a song for that character.

Many scenes blend together, so the SCENE numbers are only for convenient reference.

Contact Martin with any questions or suggestions.



ROLE
SCENES
PERFORMER
NARRATOR
All Scenes
Bonnie
INDIANA JONES
All Scenes
Jay
MARION
4, 9, 11, 12, 14, 15, 16
Karina M.
SALLAH
5, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14
Zach
BELLOQ
1, 7, 10, 11, 14, 15
Dan A.
TOHT
(also: JOCK, FIRST MATE, CROWD)
1, 3, 4, 10, 11, 14, 15
Paul A.
DIETRICH
(also: SATIPO, MUSGROVE, CROWD)
1, 2, 4, 10, 11, 14, 15, 16
Dave D.
AMIR
8
MVA
BRODY
(also BARRANCA, KATANGA, CROWD)
1, 2, 3, 4, 14, 16
Marie P.
ANNOUNCER
Intro, Outro
Evan
FOLEY PERFORMER #1
All Scenes
Katrin A.
FOLEY PERFORMER #2
All Scenes
Cathy M.
FOLEY PERFORMER #3
All Scenes
Cindy W.
Voice actor casting is gender-neutral, age-neutral, talent-neutral, etc.
Combined parts will be un-combined if we have enough volunteers!



RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK
 A Musical Emergency for Radio


MUSIC CUE: Radio Danger Theme
Vocalist sings: RA-DI-O DAN-GER!!!



Next: SPOKEN RADIO INTRO...
Welcome, Radio Listeners, to RADIO DANGER - your audio adventure into the incredible! A plunge into peril! A parade of panic! A trek into terror for your ears and your mind!

Brought to you by the good people at Mortimer's Bicycle Helicopters. That's Mortimer's Bicycle Helicopters: when we have a working prototype, we'll let you know!

Additional support by Phoenix College. If your life's "on a toot", try Phoenix College!

And now, The Emergency Arts Collective, dozens of artists, performers and volunteers, along with Awesome Orchestra, and the radio theater company at RADIO DANGER bring you this week's astounding adventure: RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK!


SONG - Awesome Orchestra




SCENE 1 - PERUVIAN TEMPLE

FOLEY: JUNGLE SOUNDS

NARRATOR: Deep on the steamy jungles of Peru, a team of adventurers pushes through thick forest. At the front of the expedition, defying the heat in a leather jacket and brown fedora, walks a bold archaeologist: INDIANA JONES.

INDY: (grunt)

NARRATOR: Two men following Dr. Jones, SATIPO and BARRANCA, lead burros carrying the remaining supplies.

SATIPO: Barranca!

BARRANCA: What is it, Satipo?

SATIPO: The locals were right - this place is cursed!

BARRANCA: We have almost reached the temple. I will make my move - and use this pistol to rid us of...the American.

FOLEY: PISTOL CLICK

FOLEY: WHIP CRACK

BARRANCA: AAARGH!!

FOLEY: GUN SHOT

INDY: Adios, Barranca. Never mess with a man and his whip. The rest of you - this is it! The cave entrance - where Forrestal cashed in.

SATIPO: A friend of yours?

INDY: A competitor. He was good. He was very very good.

SATIPO: Senor - please! Nobody has come out of there alive! So many spiderwebs! Oh - and a bottomless pit! One who falls in will never come back!

INDY: We'll use my whip to swing over.

FOLEY: WHIP CRACK

SATIPO: There it is - on the platform! The golden idol of the Hovitos!

INDY: Wait! That shaft of light - keep away from it! I'll test it out with this tree branch...

FOLEY: BLOWGUN DART / ARROW STICKS IN WOOD

INDY: Booby trapped. You wait here - at the bottom of the steps!

SATIPO: If you insist, Senor!

INDY: I'll step only on the bricks - not on the stone tiles!

FOLEY: FOOTSTEPS ON STONE

SATIPO: You made it, Senor! Now take the idol!

INDY: But look! The idol is on a raised platform. A change in weight will trigger the destruction mechanism - and we'll be trapped!

SATIPO: So that's why you've been carrying that bag of sand!

INDY: Exactly. I'll just carefully switch the idol for the bag of sand, and -

SATIPO: It worked!

FOLEY: GRINDING OF TEMPLE MECHANISM

INDY: No - the temple is collapsing! Run!

FOLEY: COLLAPSE OF TEMPLE, BLOWGUN DARTS, ARROWS STICKING IN WOOD

NARRATOR: Stone statues toppled as the walls shook around them.

SATIPO: I'll swing across the pit! [falls] UH! The whip has fallen!

INDY: Throw me the whip!

SATIPO: Throw me the idol, I throw you the whip! No time to argue!

INDY: Here's the idol! [throws] Now throw me the whip!

SATIPO: This idol now belongs to me, Senor!

INDY: That idol belongs in a museum!

FOLEY: BLOWGUN DART

SATIPO: Argh!


SONG - Matt/Taylor/Brian
(3 vox, MP3 track, live electric bass & accordion)



*****


VIDEO CUE - Brendan/Cathy


FOLEY: GIANT STONE BALL ROLLING

NARRATOR: Running for his life, Jones tumbled through the cave entrance into the daylight - only to find himself surrounded by Hovitos warriors. A familiar voice greeted our hero.

Belloq: Dr. Jones.

INDY: Belloq!

Belloq: Yes. Thank you for bringing me the Golden Idol of the Hovitos. And again we see there is nothing you can possess which I cannot take away.

INDY: Here it is, Belloq.

Belloq: (EVIL LAUGH)

INDY: (TO HIMSELF) This may be my only chance to escape!

FOLEY: RUNNING THROUGH JUNGLE, CROWD SHOUTING IN PURSUIT

Belloq: After him!!

INDY: Start the plane, Jock!!


SONG - Shelly, Evan, Joane
(1 vocal mic, 1 violin, one plugged-in acoustic guitar)


JOCK: Indiana - can't you leave for one hour without getting into trouble?

FOLEY: SMALL AIRPLANE ENGINE STARTS

INDY: (climbing) I'm on board, Jock! Let's get outta here!

JOCK: Okay - strap yourself in!

INDY: Will do, Jock - HEY! There's a snake in the plane, Jock! A really big snake!

JOCK: Oh, yeah - that's my pet snake Reggie!

INDY: I hate snakes, Jock!! I hate 'em!!

JOCK: Come on - show a little backbone, will ya?

FOLEY: PLANE ZOOMS AWAY



SONG - Awesome Orchestra - MAIN THEME
(Instrumental)


SCENE 2 - COLLEGE CAMPUS

NARRATOR: On the tranquil campus of a small New England college, Professor Jones concluded his class on introductory archaeology.

INDY: We're talking about the neolithic period - that's "Neo," meaning "new", and "lithic", meaning "stone."

NARRATOR: The front row of students, all female, gazed upon their teacher with unbridled adoration. Dr. Jones seemed not to notice. But at least one of the young women found a way to express her feelings for her instructor.


SONG - Liesa L.
(1 vox, live acoustic guitar)


NARRATOR: When class was dismissed, Dr. Jones returned to his office - where a colleague, Marcus Brody, was waiting.

BRODY: Indiana, I've brought some visitors to see you.

MUSGROVE: Hello Dr. Jones. I'm Colonel James Musgrove. This is Major Eaton. Army Intelligence.

BRODY: They thought you might know something about Abner Ravenwood.

INDY: Professor Ravenwood? He was my mentor. But we haven't spoken in ten years. I'm afraid we had a falling out.

MUSGROVE: Yesterday, we intercepted a Nazi communique from Cairo to Berlin. It said "Tanis development proceeding. Acquire headpiece, Staff of Ra, Abner Ravenwood, U.S."

INDY: The Nazis have discovered Tanis!

MUSGROVE: What is Tanis?

BRODY: The city of Tanis is one of the possible resting places of the lost Ark.

MUSGROVE: The lost Ark?

INDY: The Ark of the Covenant. In Biblical times, it's where they said the Ten Commandments were kept.

MUSGROVE: What's this "Staff of Ra"?

INDY: The staff is just a stick - nobody knows how long it is. But when you put the headpiece on the staff, and you bring it to a special room in Tanis - the map room - then the light of the sun shining through the headpiece would show you the exact location of the Well of the Souls, where the Ark is kept. That's what the Nazis are trying to find.

MUSGROVE: Why would the Nazis want the Ark of the Covenant?

BRODY: The Bible speaks of the Ark leveling mountains and laying waste to entire regions. An army which carries the Ark before it...would be invincible.


VIDEO CUE: Brendan & Cathy 2


SCENE 3 - INDIANA JONES' HOME

NARRATOR: Dr. Jones was at home that evening when Brody paid him another visit.

BRODY: Indiana, they want you to get the Ark before the Nazis do, and they'll pay handsomely for it.

INDY: And the museum gets the Ark when we're finished?

BRODY: Yes! Let's have a drink to celebrate!

FOLEY: GLASSES CLINKING

INDY: The Ark of the Covenant represents everything we got into archeology for in the first place. I'll start packing immediately. Now where did I put my bullwhip?

BRODY: You'll need to find Abner.

INDY: I think I know where to start. Will...she still be with him?

BRODY: Possibly. Marion's the least of your worries. For 3,000 years, people have searched for the lost Ark. No one knows its secrets.

INDY: Oh, Marcus - what are you trying to do, scare me? I don't believe in that superstitious hocus-pocus. We're going after a find of incredible historical significance. You're talking about the bogey man! Besides, you know what a...cautious fellow I am.

NARRATOR: Throwing his trusty revolver into his suitcase, Indiana Jones closed his bag.

FOLEY: PROP PLANE SOUND

NARRATOR: Early the next morning, Dr. Jones stepped into a Pan American DC-3 - secretly watched by an ominous figure sitting behind him.

TOHT: (evil chuckle)

FOLEY: PROP PLANE SOUND


VIDEO CUE: MARTIN - FLIGHT to NEPAL


SCENE 4 - 'THE RAVEN' SALOON, NEPAL

FOLEY: ICY WIND

NARRATOR: In a crowded saloon in the snowy mountains of Nepal, two figures face off.

CROWD: (shouts, cheers)

MARION: Pour two more! It's my turn. ('glug glug', then exhausted moan)

CROWD: (anticipation, shouts)

MARION: Pistore!! Pistore!!

FOLEY: GLASS SLAMS DOWN

CROWD: (cheers)

MARION: Now it's your turn! Can you down one more shot?

FOLEY: LARGE BODY FALLS

CROWD: (cheers)

MARION: One more fool, under the table! Alright - Dahaam baharu! Alu leoneeski! Everybody out! Bar's closed!

INDY: Hello Marion.

MARION: Indiana Jones. Always knew someday you'd come walking back through my door. So what are you doing here in Nepal?

INDY: I need one of the pieces your father collected -

FOLEY: POWERFUL PUNCH

INDY: (punched) Uh!

MARION: I learned to hate you in the last ten years!

INDY: I never meant to hurt you.

MARION: I was a child! I was in love!

INDY: You knew what you were doing.

MARION: Now I do. This is my place. Get out!

INDY: Maybe we can help each other out now. I need a piece your father collected - bronze medallion with a hole in it, off-center, with a crystal? You know the one?

MARION: Yeah, I know it.

INDY: Where's Abner?

MARION: Abner's dead.

INDY: Marion, I'm sorry.

MARION: Everybody's sorry. I'm sorry to be stuck in this dive.

INDY: I'll give you five thousand bucks for the medallion.


SONG - Julia & Martin


MARION: Heh. Come back tomorrow.

FOLEY: DOOR OPENS / ICY WIND

MARION: See you tomorrow, Indiana Jones.

FOLEY: DOOR CLOSES

MARION: Now why would Indiana Jones want this medallion my father gave me? I've always worn it as a necklace. But it looks better hanging here behind the bar.

FOLEY: DOOR OPENS / ICY WIND / DOOR CLOSES

TOHT: Good evening, Fraulein.

MARION: The bar's closed.

TOHT: We are not thirsty.

MARION: What do you want?

TOHT: The same thing your friend Dr. Jones wanted. Do you have it?

MARION: No, but I know where it is.

TOHT: I see you have let the poker grow hot in your fire. Why don't you tell me where the medallion is right now?

MARION: I don't know what kind of people you're used to dealing with, but nobody tells me what to do in my own place.

TOHT: Let me show you what I am used to. Hold her!

MARION: Take your lousy hands off me!!

TOHT: Now, Fraulein - You will tell me everything.

FOLEY: WHIP CRACK / METAL POKER HITS FLOOR

INDY: Let her go!

FOLEY: GUNSHOTS, RICOCHETS, BREAKING GLASS

MARION: Indy, I'm free! Be careful! They've set the bar on fire!

FOLEY: FLAMES

INDY: Marion! Stay back! One of them is sneaking up on you!

MARION: You think you can burn down my saloon!

FOLEY: WOODEN CLUB HITTING BAD GUY'S HEAD / LARGE BODY FALLS DOWN

TOHT: Ah - there it is, hanging from the bar! The medallion! If I can reach through the flames - AAAAAAAGH! My hand!!!

MARION: He dropped my medallion! I'll use my scarf to pick it up!

INDY: Come on, Marion! Outside! The building's going to collapse!

FOLEY: FLAMES, ICY WIND

MARION: Well, Jones! At least you haven't forgotten how to show a lady a good time! Too bad your money is in the fire!

INDY: Boy, you're somethin'!

MARION: I've got the medallion right here. So until I get back my five thousand dollars, you're gonna get more than you bargained for! I'm your god damned partner!!


SONG - Cindy W.
(1 vocal, accordion)


SCENE 5 - SALLAH'S HOUSE - CAIRO

NARRATOR: A long flight took our heroes across mountains and deserts, to the home of an old friend of Dr. Jones...

SALLAH: Welcome to Cairo! A paradise on Earth!


VIDEO: STACY


INDY: I knew the Germans would hire you, Sallah. You're the best digger in Egypt!

SALLAH: The excavation is enormous! They found the map room three days ago. They have not one brain among them - except one. He is very clever. A French archeologist, "Bellosh".

INDY: (laughs) Belloq!

SALLAH: Yes. The Germans are near to discovering the Well of Souls.

INDY: They won't find it without this medallion.

FOLEY: METAL PLACED ON TABLE

INDY: Who can tell us about these markings?

SALLAH: Perhaps a man I know can help us. Indy...there is something that troubles me.

INDY: What is it?

SALLAH: The Ark. If it is there, at Tanis, then it is something that man was not meant to disturb. Death has always surrounded it. It is not of this earth.


COMMERCIAL INTERRUPTION - Jay, Adrienne, Evan, Martin (Phoenix College commercial)
(5 vox, MP3 backing track - cued after dialogue)


ANNOUNCER:Stay tuned, radio listeners! Our perilous adventure will return, right after this message from Phoenix College...

VO:Hey friend, why so down?

MAN:Well, as a strapping young recently married man living in the late 1930's, I'm always keen on looking to improve my status. And that means college. But the universities are all so expensive--almost 100 dollars a year! As a full-time dishwasher, that's almost an eighth of my salary! And they'd never take me anyway, what with my bad grades from high-school. I'm really in a bind!

VO: You sure are! But wait! Have you heard of a fantastic new kind of college that's the talk of the town?

MAN:Why no! Do tell!

VO:It's called "Phoenix College" and it's an amazing new way to learn using the latest technology.

MAN:The latest technology?

VO:Yes! Technology you'd find in your own home!

MAN:My own home? But, wouldn't I have to cart it to the school? How far away is this college?

VO:That's just it--you'd learn at home, at your convenience!

MAN:At my convenience? That's interesting! But how do I attend classes if I never leave my home?

VO:Well, you have a telephone, don't you?

MAN:Why yes, we do. Well, it's the late 30's so we share it with the neighbors.

VO:Close enough. Well, instead of going out in the freezing rain to attend a class, you simply call in and get your lecture over the phone. You take tests over the phone, and even get your grades over the phone.

MAN:Wow! I never thought of that! That's so convenient! But now much will it cost me?

VO: That's the magic of Phoenix College. You don't have to pay right away! We loan you the money!

MAN:You loan me the money?

VO:That's right! We loan you the money for everything! The classes, teachers fees, books, writing slate, pencils--it's all differed to a variable-rate loan that you won't have to even think about until a future date!

MAN:Well, are the books expensive?

VO:Oh, they're very expensive! But what does it matter if you don't have to pay for it until later?

MAN:I see...that sounds like a good deal...but would I be able to get in with my bad high-school grades?

VO:You've already been accepted!

MAN:Wow! That's great news!

WOMAN:Wait a second! It you overcharged for the classes and materials, and then loaned my husband the money at a a variable interest rate, couldn't you simply set the rate so high that we'd be paying it off forever?

VO:Aren't you the clever one! Such clever words you're using! But I think your muffins are burning!

WOMAN:I'm not baking any muffins.

VO:Well it's almost dinner time and and those muffins won't bake themselves.

MAN: Yes honey, please, I'm having an important conversation with this gentleman here.

VO:Thank you. As I was saying--what have you got to lose?

MAN:I can't think of a single thing! Sign me up--for Phoenix College!


MUSIC CUE - Phoenix College commercial music


(START MUSIC) QUARTET (singing):,Oh when you want to change your life
Oh when you want to change your life
But you ain't got the dough,
Just take some good advice
From any guy in the know...

Try Phoenix College--
Phoenix College!
If your life's on a toot
Try Phoenix College!
--And then it won't be!

 VO:Phoenix College! Why not give us a ring!


SCENE 6 - STREET MARKET, CAIRO


(NOTE ABOUT FOLEY: Sound effects for this scene are already on the music recording.)

(NOTE ABOUT MARION: Marion will be played by Adrienne in this scene - and then will go back to being played by KARINA.)


SONG - Jay, Adrienne, et al
(5 vox, MP3 backing track - cued after dialogue)

MUSIC CUE - BASKET CHASE MUSIC PART ONE
(begins after Phoenix College commercial ends)


NARRATOR:That afternoon, Indiana and Marion strolled through the crowded street markets. Little did they know that they were being followed...

MARION:How come you haven't found some nice girl to settle down with, and raise eight or nine kids, like your friend Sallah?

INDY:Who says I haven't?

MARION:I do. Dad had you figured a long time ago. He said you were a bum.

INDY:Oh, he's being generous.

MARION:The most gifted bum he ever trained. You know, he loved you like a son. It took a hell of a lot for you to alienate him.

(MUSIC SWELLS DRAMATICALLY)

INDY:Not much, just--(sees something)

MARION:What is it?

INDY:Oh no--It's Belloq's guys! They've found us! (To MARION) Marion, get out of here! Duck!

(POW! INDY punches man in the nose, who cries out in pain)

MARION:Oh my God, Indy what are you doing!! You punched Seth!

INDY:What?

SETH:(In pain) Aooooooh...

MARION:Seth! He was a friend I met yesterday while you were talking to Sallah about that medallion--He was going to bring me a sphinx figurine that he sells in a shop so I wouldn't have to fight the crowd!

SETH:(To INDY, weakly) I think you broke my nose...

INDY:(To SETH) Oh my God, I am so...sorry...I thought you were--(to MARION) I thought he was trying to...attack us...

MARION:(disapproving) Why, cause he's Egyptian?

INDY:No! Well...yes! He was running toward us really fast--(sees another man) Oh God, another one! Marion, look out!

(BOOF! INDY punches the new man in the stomach, who coughs violently)

MARION:Aahhh! (to INDY) What are you doing? (to MAN) Osiris, are you okay?

INDY:Osiris? I--I thought he was going to attack us!

MARION:I paid him to get us some Egyptian street food!

OSIRIS:(Weakly) I brought you some Koshari!

MARION:Koshari, Indy! He got us some Koshari! Now it's spilled all over the ground...Great!

INDY:I'm sorry...Oh my God I'm so sorry--(looks up) Oh God--a guy with a knife!

(BAM! INDY punches the new man in the stomach, who lets out an "Ooof", and moans in pain like the others)

MARION:Aahhh! Are you crazy?!

INDY:He had a knife!

MARION:It's not a "knife", its an antique Egyptian Khopesh sword that Lapis here was going to show me to see if I could buy it!

LAPIS:(weakly) It's been in my family for generations...

INDY:(Exasperated) Ooookay, Come on!

MARION:(Serious) I do not like this side of you, Indy. It's kind of bourgeois...y'know?

INDY:Excuse me?

MARION:I mean I always knew that you weren't very woke, but this goes a little farther--

INDY:Well, I'm sorry, okay? So look--is there any group of people you can think of that would be okay to punch?


MUSIC CUE - BASKET CHASE MUSIC PART TWO



(The barber-shop QUARTET steps up and starts singing to music) QUARTET (singing):Oh Indy's searching for the ark
Oh yes he's searching near and far
He's fighting all the Nazis putting bad guys to shame
You know whatever comes that he's ahead of the game
And if this great adventure ever had--a name
It must be In...di...an...a Jones!
---And his whip!

INDY:(Sarcastic) Great. Awesome. That's just what I need.

(Scuffle noises as MARION is captured in a basket and carried off)

MARIAN:Oh my God help! Indeeeeee...

INDY:Marion! Where are you? Marion! MARION!! Where'd she go?

QUARTET (singing):They picked her up and threw her...in a basket
And they carried her awaaay...

INDY:Oh my God--which way did they take her?

QUARTET (singing):They put her on a truck that's...filled with explosives
And she's probably gonna dieeee...

INDY:Which way did they take her!!

QUARTET (singing):They're going to use her for some...kind of leverage
But it gets unclear from theeere...

INDY:Look If you don't tell me which way they took her I'm going to punch you.

QUARTET (singing):It's not too faaaaar...

(POW! Indy punches the QUARTET, who sing out in pain)

QUARTET (singing):AAAAAUUUUAAGH!!

(The QUARTET all start complaining independently)
Ow...Jeez...What the hell...dammit...etc.

INDY:(Scolding) I told you. Didn't I tell you? Didn't I say I'd punch you?

TENOR:Jeez. She's down that alley.

(Music swells, with INDY's footsteps as he runs down the alley)

INDY:Marion! I'm coming! I see the truck! MARION!!

(Action music as machine gun fire erupts)

INDY:Oh God a machine gun! Wait--I can shoot them now! YES!!

(INDY shoots, sounds of truck overturning)

INDY:Ha! I'm here Marion! Don't get out of the--

(BOOM!! The truck explodes. rattling hubcap noise slows and stops. Pause.)

INDY:Ah, fuck.



SCENE 7 - SHADY BAR - CAIRO

NARRATOR: Drowning his sorrows in a Cairo bar, Indiana was again greeted by a familiar voice.


SONG - DAVID & ELISABETH
(2 vox, MP3 backing track - might need guitar too)


SALLAH: I thought I'd find you in there.

INDY: Sallah - Marion's dead.

SALLAH: Yes, I know. I'm sorry. I have much to tell you. I will take you to see the old man.

FOLEY: LARGE CAR DRIVING


SCENE 8 - AMIR'S CHAMBER - CAIRO

(NOTE ABOUT SALLAH: Sallah will be played by EVAN in this scene - and then will go back to being played by ZACK.)

FOLEY: WIND CHIMES, BREEZE

NARRATOR: Under the ornate arches of a centuries-old room, Indiana paced back and forth as an aged cleric studied the medallion.

INDY: I can't figure out how Belloq did it. Where did he get a copy of the headpiece? There are no pictures - no duplicates of it anywhere.

SALLAH: I tell you only what I saw with my own eyes. A headpiece like yours, with a crystal embedded in the center - and surrounding the crystal on one side, there were raised markings, just like on this one.

INDY: They went in the map room to determine the location?

SALLAH: This morning. Belloq and the commanding German officer, Dietrich. When they came out of the map room, they gave us a new spot in which to dig, out away from the camp.

INDY: The Well of the Souls, huh? Oh, dates, yum! I'll just toss one of these into my mouth -

SALLAH: Sallah: Indy - before you toss one of these dates into your mouth, let's listen to what Amir has to say.


SONG - JAY, MARTIN, EVAN
(3 vox, MP3 backing track)
(Music starts here)


AMIR:Come..Come look! Sit down!

INDY:So what do the markings on the headpiece say?

AMIR:Well let me--

(AMIR suddenly has a coughing fit, clears throat. When he recovers he is suddenly speaking like Ad Rock from the Beastie Boys.)

Lemme break it down for you...

Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
He gonna pop the trunk, gonna get the whole squad!

 AMIR:Well I've mackin' on the headpiece, for the past hour
Learning all its secrets, groking it's power
I got some intel, gonna save the whole day
Some symbols that mare marked down, in the old way

INDY:What do they mean?
Do you know what they say?

AMIR:Well, the ones at the top say
Stay the fuck away!

It's the Ark of the Covenant! Ground you ain't trod!
You bother this ark you get a bitch-slap from God!

Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL: Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL: Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL: Oh!
He gonna pop the trunk, gonna get the whole squad!

SALLAH: Indy, you know what I am thinking right here
This whole damn dig is a mistake I fear
I'm afraid all the penalties can be quite severe
So Indy--I think we really need to steer clear!

INDY: Sallah, c'mon, you know I've paid all my dues
We're commin' down to Amir for some choice clues
I'm done with the waiting, and I'm done with the booze
So Amir, dammit say what kind of staff to use!

AMIR: So I see a mark here, everybody keep calm
It's a unit of measure and it's called the kadam
I got a single number commin' through all the chaff
So guess how many kadam gonna make up your staff?

INDY/SALLAH: Uh, three kadam...

AMIR:Just go a little higher!

INDY/SALLAH: Four kadam...

AMIR: Oh, we almost got a buyer!

INDY/SALLAH: Five kadam...

AMIR: Ya almost there sucker!

INDY/SALLAH: Seven kadam...

AMIR: It's SIX mother-fuckaaa!

Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
He gonna pop the trunk, gonna get the whole squad!

ALL: SIX KADAM
AMIR: ...for the great Hebrew God
ALL: SIX KADAM
AMIR: ...gonna build that rod
ALL: SIX KADAM
AMIR: ...put you on the right ground

INDY: So we got it! Let's go!

AMIR: Man, sit the FUCK down!

AMIR: Think six kadam gonna settle the score?
Flip the headpiece over--oh shit there's more!
Gotta honor that God 'fore we make our attack
So, guess how many kadam that we gotta take back!

INDY/SALLAH: Uh, two.

AMIR:No.

INDY/SALLAH: Three.

AMIR: No.

INDY/SALLAH: Five.

AMIR: Man, shut up!
You taking on the Nazis, man, you better nut up!
It's ONE kadam, okay? Minus one!
So a five kadam staff gonna get that shit done!

INDY/SALLAH: Yeah!

Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
He gonna pop the trunk, gonna get the whole squad!

INDY: Sallah, their headpiece had only one side?

SALLAH: I'm sure of it Indy! It's quite certified!

INDY: So Belloq and his crew are severely misled...

INDY/SALLAH: Their staff's too long!

AMIR:Yeah that's what she said!

INDY/SALLAH: Ohhh!

Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
Ark of the Covenant, from the Hebrew God!
ALL:Oh!
He gonna pop the trunk, gonna get the whole squad!

Ark of the Covenant!

SALLAH: Oh yeah, we RULE!

Ark of the Covenant!

INDY: Man, Belloq's a tool!

Ark of the Covenant!

SALLAH: Tomorrow can't wait!

Ark of the Covenant!

INDY: Let me finish this date!

SALLAH:No! (grabs date out of the air)

(DRAMATIC MUSIC) INDY:Sallah, why did you dramatically grab the date just as it was about to fall into my mouth?

SALLAH:Bad dates.

INDY:Okay. Bad dates. Y'know I still don't think they would be...that bad.

SALLAH:Look at the monkey.

INDY:What?

SALLAH:Look at the monkey.

INDY:I really don't know why you're grabbing my food and then making me watch a monkey (looks at monkey) oh, it's dead. Okay. I get it. Poison dates. Right. (awkward pause) Let's uh...hit the map room in the morning.



SCENE 9 - TANIS DIGS / MAP ROOM / BELLOQ'S TENT

NARRATOR: As the morning sun rose over the desert, Indiana and Sallah crossed the busy excavation site at the city of Tanis.

INDY: What time does the sun hit the map room?

SALLAH: At about 9:00 in the morning.

INDY: Not much time, then.

SALLAH: The map room is over here.


SONG - ERIC & MEGHAN
(2 vox, electric guitar straight into PA)



FOLEY: STAFF BREAKING

INDY: Sallah! I'm climbing up!

SALLAH: Good job Indy - now let's be careful. These officers look suspicious of you. I'll distract them. You cover your face and hide among those tents.

INDY: Okay. I'll just go in...this one!

MARION: Who are you?

INDY: Marion! It's me, Indiana! (kiss kiss) I thought you were dead!

MARION: Indy!

INDY: You must have switched baskets. You're tied up - are you hurt?

MARION: I'm okay. Cut me loose, quick! They'll be back any minute!

INDY: Okay.

MARION: They keep asking about you, and what you know. Why are you stopping? Cut me loose!

INDY: I know where the Ark is, Marion.

MARION: The Ark's here?

INDY: Yes. If I take you out of here now, they'll start combing the place for us.

MARION: Jones, are you crazy? You've got to get me out of here!

INDY: Marion, I hate to do this, but you need to stay here or this whole thing is going to be shot. I'll be back to get you.

MARION: Jones!!


SCENE 10 - TANIS DIGS / WELL OF SOULS

NARRATOR: Across the sweltering desert sand, Belloq walked with the Nazi commander Dietrich. In the distance, the menacing officer Toht approached through the dust.

BELLOQ: Where is the Ark? Perhaps it is still waiting in some antechamber for us to discover. Perhaps there's some vital bit of evidence which eludes us.

DIETRICH: Perhaps the girl can help us. She was in possession of the original headpiece for years. She may give us more information, if properly motivated.

BELLOQ: I tell you, the girl knows nothing.

DIETRICH: I'm surprised to find you squeamish. That is not your reputation. But it needn't concern you. I have the perfect man for this kind of work.

TOHT: Mr. Belloq.

BELLOQ: (gasp) Officer Toht - your hand!

TOHT: Yes. When I siezed the medallion from the flames, I received a permanent souvenir. An exact replica of the headpiece was seared into the flesh of my palm. Now take me to her. I will make her talk.

NARRATOR: Digging through the night, Indiana, Sallah and a few trusted helpers worked their way deep into the desert floor.


SONG - ERIC & MEGHAN
(2 vox, electric guitar straight into PA)



FOLEY: SNAKES RATTLE & HISS

INDY: Careful of the snakes, Sallah! Okay - together, we'll lift off the stone cover. And...

INDY, SALLAH: (grunt, strain, drop weight)

FOLEY: LARGE STONE THROWN TO GROUND


SCENE 11 - TANIS DIGS / BELLOQ'S TENT / WELL OF SOULS

NARRATOR: Inside Belloq's tent, Marion felt her hands at last being untied.

BELLOQ: I must apologize for their treatment of you.

MARION: Yeah - no food, no water? What kind of people are these friends of yours?

BELLOQ: They are not my friends. Regardless, I thought you might like some dinner. Even in this part of the world, we are not entirely uncivilized.

MARION: Dinner? What do you got to drink around here?

BELLOQ: This gin is my family label.

MARION: Okay then. You pour.

FOLEY: GLASSES CLINK

FOLEY: SNAKES RATTLE & HISS

SALLAH: Indy - the Ark is pristine - pure gold!

INDY: There's another snake behind you, Sallah! Okay - put the handles in place, and we'll lift it.

INDY, SALLAH: (grunt, strain)

FOLEY: GLASSES CLINK

BELLOQ: (drunk laughter) Can I pour you another drink?

MARION: (drunk laughter) Thank you, but...I have to be going now. Perhaps we'll meet someday under better circumstances.

TOHT: Hello Fraulein.

MARION: You!

TOHT: Yes. Now...it's time for us to talk.

FOLEY: SNAKES RATTLE & HISS

INDY, SALLAH: (grunt, strain while lowering the Ark)

INDY: All right - we've got the Ark tied in place - raise it up!

SALLAH: Our torches are burning out, Indy! The snakes are getting closer!

INDY: You climb out, Sallah - I'll wait down here - nothing to be scared of! I'll just hum a tune to keep my mind occupied!


SONG - MARTIN
(1 vocal, MP3 backing track)



NARRATOR: The ancient city was still asleep as the sun rose over the desert, and the voices of Belloch and Dietrich carried across the camp.

DIETRICH: You're as stubborn as that girl. You like her too much, I think.

BELLOQ: Your methods are too primitive...Why are those men digging on that plateau? The Ark! Commander - wake your men!

FOLEY: SNAKES RATTLE & HISS

INDY: Sallah - you dropped the rope! What are you -

BELLOQ: (shouting from above) Hello! Why, Dr. Jones, whatever are you doing in such a nasty place?

INDY: Belloq!

BELLOQ: So, once again, Jones, what was briefly yours is now mine. And you're about to become a permanent addition to this archaeological find. Who knows? In a thousand years, even you may be worth something.

INDY: Ha ha! (muttering) Son of a bitch.

DIETRICH: Our prize is awaited in Berlin, Dr. Jones. But I do not wish to leave you down in that awful place all alone.

MARION: Get your hands off me! Aaaah!

INDY: Marion! I got you! (oomph)

FOLEY: INDY CATCHES MARION

MARION: You traitor! You left me tied up! Aaah!

FOLEY: SNAKES HISSING & RATTLING

BELLOQ: Indiana Jones...adieu.

MARION: Nooooooo!

FOLEY: STONE COVER DRAGGED & CLOSED

INDY: Here, Marion - wave this torch at anything that slithers!

MARION: How are we gonna get out of here?

INDY: I'm working on it!

MARION: Well, hurry!

INDY: Marion - look where the snakes are coming from! There must be a passage on the other side. We'll topple this statue and crash through the wall!

MARION: That statue's gotta be fifty feet high!

INDY: I'll climb it with my whip...

FOLEY: WHIP CRACK

MARION: Indy - the torch is going out!

INDY: (straining) And I'll push against the ceiling...

FOLEY: STATUE CRACKING & TOPPLING


SONG - MARTIN
(1 vocal, MP3 backing track)



MARION: Indy - look! Daylight! Indy, are you okay?

INDY: Yes! Let's go!

FOLEY: ROCK PUSHED / ROCK FALLS

SCENE 12 - TANIS AIR DEPOT

NARRATOR: Indy and Marion disappeared into the maze of tents, relieved to be above ground. Walking through the camp, Sallah heard a familiar voice behind a curtain.

MARION: Sallah!

SALLAH: Indy? Marion? Holy smoke my friends! I'm so pleased you're not dead!

INDY: Thanks.

SALLAH: Indy, we have no time. If you still want the Ark, it is being loaded onto a truck for Cairo.

INDY: Truck? What truck?

SALLAH: It's right by the air strip. They're about to leave!

INDY: Sallah - get back to Cairo. Get us some transport to England...boat, plane, anything. I'm going after that truck.

MARION: How will you get the truck?

INDY: I don't know. I'm making this up as I go.



VIDEO CUE: Brendan & Cathy 3


SCENE 13 - TANIS / DESERT ROADS

NARRATOR: Moments later, leaping past a crowd of excavation workers, a beautiful white horse charged into the desert.

FOLEY: HORSE WHINNY / GALLOP

NARRATOR: Clutching the reins, Indiana Jones raced to intercept the caravan.

FOLEY: HORSE GALLOP

NARRATOR: Looking down from a high ridge, Indiana spotted the military vehicles.

FOLEY: TRUCK SOUNDS / HORSE WHINNY

NARRATOR: Charging down the hillside, Jones galloped alongside the truck, swung himself onto the running board, opened the door and pulled the driver out onto the dusty road!

FOLEY: WILHELM SCREAM / BODY FALLS

NARRATOR: With the caravan in chaos, a jeep with a mounted gun sped up beside the truck and open fire!

FOLEY: MACHINE GUN

NARRATOR: With a spin of the wheel, Jones sent the jeep careening off the road!

FOLEY: MOVING CARS SMASH / CRASH

NARRATOR: Jostled and shaken in the back of the truck, eight German soldiers riding with the Ark now drew their weapons and climbed onto the sides of the moving vehicle.

INDY: Huh.

NARRATOR: Steering close to a passing grove of trees, Jones swept the soldiers off each side of the truck.

FOLEY: SCREAMS / MAYHEM

NARRATOR: Only the commander of the German troops remained in the truck. Climbing over the roof of the vehicle, he swung himself into the cabin and pushed Indiana Jones through the windshield!

FOLEY: BREAKING GLASS

INDY: Uh!

NARRATOR: Desperately clinging to the front grill, Indiana lowered himself underneath the truck and slid along the dirt road between the grinding wheels. Lashing his whip to an exhaust pipe -

FOLEY: WHIP CRACK

NARRATOR: Jones pulled himself onto the rear bumper, and made his way back to the driver's seat, and into cinematic history!

FOLEY: PUNCHES

NARRATOR: Ejecting the last of the soldiers from the vehicle -

FOLEY: WILHELM SCREAM

NARRATOR: ...Jones gunned the engine and soon arrived at the shipyards of Cairo.


SCENE 14 - CAIRO SHIPYARD / KATANGA'S SHIP

SALLAH: Indy - the Ark has been loaded onto Mister Katanga's ship.

INDY: Thank you.

MARION: You trust these pirates, Sallah?

SALLAH: Yes.

KATANGA: ALL ABOARD!

SALLAH: Mr. Katanga. These two are my friends. I will hear of it if they are not treated well.

KATANGA: My cabin is theirs.

SALLAH: Good-bye, Indy.

INDY: You're my good friend, Sallah.

FOLEY: SHIP'S ENGINES

NARRATOR: In the captain's cabin, Indy and Marion finally had a moment alone.

MARION: I brought some water to wash with, and first aid supplies. Now let's clean up those injuries of yours.

INDY: Ow ow ow! That hurts!

MARION: Well, where doesn't it hurt?

INDY: Here.

MARION: (smooch)

INDY: It's not too bad over here.

NARRATOR: Very soon after that, Marion was watching Indiana sleep.

INDY: (snore)

MARION: The sun is up, already? I must have slept like a rock. Indy, where are you going?

INDY: Engines have stopped. I'm going to the check with the captain.

NARRATOR: Indy raced up to the ship's command center.

KATANGA: Jones - we've been stopped by a German submarine. They're boarding the ship! You and the girl must disappear. We have a place in the hold - go, my friend! Go!

DIETRICH: Where is the captain? And where is Jones?!?

KATANGA: Jones is dead. I killed him. He was of no use to us.

BELLOQ: Then the lady will come with me. Come along, my dear -

DIETRICH: We will take the Ark into our possession. Then we will decide whether to blow your ship from the water.

NARRATOR: Captain Katanga's first mate rushed to his side as the Germans returned to their submarine.

FIRST MATE: First Mate reporting! I can't find Dr. Jones, captain! We've looked everywhere.

KATANGA: He's got to be here somewhere. Look again!

FIRST MATE: I found him.

KATANGA: Where?

FIRST MATE: There! Climbing onto the submarine!

NARRATOR: All eyes on the ship turned to the submarine as Indiana Jones pulled himself from the water and raced to open the submarine hatch. As the pirates cheered, the captain saluted the determined American.


SCENE 15 - GREEK ISLAND / ALTAR

FOLEY: SUBMARINE SOUNDS

VFX: A SUBMARINE ON A STICK FLIES AROUND THE ROOM TO A SMALL GREEK ISLAND

NARRATOR: On a small Mediterranean island, a parade of German soldiers carried the Ark along an isolated desert path. Leading the trek were officers Dietrich and Toht, Belloq and the frightened Marion. Her heart lifted when she heard a familiar voice.

INDY: Hello!

BELLOQ: Jones? Is that you?

INDY: I've got this bazooka aimed right at the Ark, Belloq! I'll blow it up!


SONG - Dan A.


DIETRICH: What makes you think you can escape from this island?

INDY: That depends on how reasonable we're all willing to be! All I want is the girl! Let Marion come with me!

BELLOQ: Okay, Jones - you win! Blow it up!

DIETRICH: What?!?

BELLOQ: You heard me! Blow it back to God! All your life has been spent in pursuit of archaeological relics. Inside the Ark are treasures beyond your wildest aspirations! You want to see it opened as well as I.

INDY: Oh...(sigh) Fine. I suppose now you're going to tie me and Marion to a stake on a cliff overlooking the altar.

BELLOQ: You DO know your rituals, Dr. Jones.


SONG - Awesome Orchestra


BELLOQ: I have spoken the incantations. The time has come to open the Ark! Raise the lid and place it aside.


SONG - Top Men + Choir (dialogue continues through song)
(1 vocal, video w/ sound, 2 electric guitars, electric bass, keyboard)



MUSIC: CHOIR CHANTS

FOLEY: HEAVY STONE MOVING, THUMPING TO GROUND

MUSIC: DRUMS START

PRACTICAL EFFECT: CHOIR WALKS OVER AND OPENS THE ARK / LIGHT SHINES FROM WITHIN

FOLEY: ELECTRICAL EQUIPMENT ZAPS & EXPLODES

DIETRICH: Our lights! What has happened?

TOHT: The generators have overloaded!

BELLOQ: Do you see it? A light rising from within the Ark, like a storm contained in the dust.

VOCALS: VERSE 1
At the center the storm is calm
Kneeling now the meek are strong
Burning fire and deadly pox
Deep inside Pandora's box

 INDY: Don't look at it! Shut your eyes, Marion! Don't look at it, no matter what happens!

PRACTICAL EFFECT: CHOIR MEMBERS LIFT GHOSTS FROM BEHIND ARK - FLY AROUND ROOM

FOLEY: OTHERWORLDLY SWOOSHES, WHISTLING RAGING WIND, LIGHTNING

VOCALS: VERSE 2
Eyes closed
Ark now open
Silence grows
And now is broken
Buried past you cannot face
Deepest scars of the human race

 INDY: Dammit - this light show is probably amazing!!

VOCALS: CHORUS
Shadows never meant to be revealed in the dark
Blood in ocean water drawing near the hungry shark
Fiery explosion waiting only for a spark
There's two or more of everything
Inside the ark

 BELLOQ: (shouting) It's beautiful!! Oh, the unearthly beauty! Ahaha! Wait, what, nooooo!!!!!!!

TOHT: (shouting) Yes, so very beauti...Aaaaaccch!!!

DIETRICH: (shouting) What is happeni...Aaargh!

VOCALS: VERSE 3
At the center
Storm is calmest
All the wonder
Time has promised
All that hides inside your heart
Can't tell hope and fear apart
Open eyes in silent dark
Deadly fires returned
Inside the ark
Inside the ark

 FOLEY: SWISH, SWOOSH, CYCLONE NOISE, HEAVY GRANITE LID BEING REPLACED

FOLEY: SILENCE

INDY: Marion.

MARION: Indy! We're...all alone. Everybody else has vanished.

NARRATOR: Trembling, they embraced - and turned toward the altar, where the Ark once again sat closed, the lid mysteriously set back in place.

SCENE 16 - THE PENTAGON

MUSGROVE: Welcome back to the Pentagon, Dr. Jones, Dr. Brody. You've done your country a great service. We've secured the Ark and confirmed its final transfer.

INDY: And where exactly is the Ark?

MUSGROVE: The Ark is somewhere very safe.

BRODY: Safe from whom? The Ark is a source of unspeakable power and it must be researched.

MUSGROVE: And it will be, I assure you, Dr. Jones. We have top men working on it right now.

INDY: Who?

MUSGROVE: Top. Men.


SONG - Craig
(1 vocal, acoustic ukelele)



NARRATOR: Leaving the building in disgust, Indiana heard a welcome voice greet him on the front steps.

MARION: Hey, what happened?

INDY: Bureaucratic fools! They don't know what they've got there.

MARION: Well, I know what I've got here. Come on - I'll buy you a drink. You know...a drink?

NARRATOR: Marion took Indiana's arm and together they walked into the streets of Washington. Miles away, at a vast government warehouse, the Ark of the Covenant was sealed in a wooden crate...and wheeled into a towering maze of identical crates, never to be seen again.


SONG - Iggy + Choir
(4 vocals, piano)



ANNOUNCER: We hope you've enjoyed our presentation of RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK on RADIO DANGER!

The voices you heard tonight included our narrator, Bonnie Primbsch! (applause!)

Jay Kensinger as Indiana Jones!

Karina McLoughlin as Marion!

Zach Aman as Sallah!

Dan Amrich as Belloq!

You heard many other voices tonight, as well as our Foley sound effects performers!
I ask everyone within the sound of my voice to offer them a hearty round of applause!

Astounding live radio sound made possible by Kerry Veenstra!

Many thanks to Dave Moeschler and Awesome Orchestra for playing for us!

We thank the Alameda Eagles who very generously made their space available to our group!

We encourage you to purchase an affordable drink at the Eagles' bar and tip generously to show your appreciation for their kindness!

A round of applause, please, for the many creative contributors to our show: the songwriters, musicians and performers we enjoyed here tonight!

And one last thank-you for tonight. These auditory adventures emerge from a mysterious realm - a hot and dangerous garden where success and failure are inseparable and every step reveals another obstacle. We speak of the compulsive human need to stand up, sing out, write down, explore - to venture beyond the protective fences and invite others into YOUR invented world. So to this compulsion we offer our gratitude and give thanks - to the lovers, the dreamers, and you!
Special appearance by Brendan & Cathy



SONG - Awesome Orchestra
(Instrumental)



THE END



SCENE
PERFORMERS
SCENE 1 - PERUVIAN TEMPLEBARRANCA, SATIPO, BELLOQ, JOCK, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 2 - COLLEGE CAMPUSBRODY, MUSGROVE, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 3 - INDIANA JONES' HOMEBRODY, TOHT, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 4 - 'THE RAVEN' SALOON, NEPALMARION, CROWD, TOHT, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 5 - SALLAH'S HOUSE - CAIROSALLAH, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 6 - STREET MARKET, CAIROMARION, CROWD, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 7 - SHADY BAR - CAIROBELLOQ, SALLAH, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 8 - AMIR'S CHAMBER - CAIROAMIR, AMIR, SALLAH, SALLAH, INDY, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 9 - TANIS DIGS / MAP ROOM / BELLOQ'S TENTSALLAH, MARION, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 10 - TANIS DIGS / WELL OF SOULSBELLOQ, DIETRICH, TOHT, SALLAH, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 11 - TANIS DIGS / BELLOQ'S TENT / WELL OF SOULSBELLOQ, MARION, TOHT, SALLAH, SALLAH, DIETRICH, INDY, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 12 - TANIS AIR DEPOTMECHANIC, MARION, SALLAH, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 13 - TANIS / DESERT ROADSINDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 14 - CAIRO SHIPYARD / KATANGA'S SHIPKATANGA, SALLAH, MARION, BELLOQ, DIETRICH, FIRST MATE, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 15 - GREEK ISLAND / ALTARTOHT, DIETRICH, BELLOQ, MARION, INDY, NARRATOR
SCENE 16 - THE PENTAGONMUSGROVE, MARION, INDY, NARRATOR

NOTE ABOUT TEXT: If you want to use a detail not mentioned in this version of the story,
contact Martin and we'll work something out.

All songs and recordings for this show will be
Copyright 2017 by their respective performers.
All rights for the songs are reserved.