Betsy Shebang - Column for 9/11

Things that piss me off

Complaining about corporate America is like bitching about the shape of the ocean; the common wisdom is that nothing can be done about it. Whether or not money should be allowed to make all the decisions, for example, it clearly will be allowed to continue doing so.

Well, dammit, things still piss me off. I haven’t accepted the aggravating inevitability of anything, like some kinda cynical patriotic buddha. I’ll go to my grave bitching about the uncomfortable ride.

That said, my task is to have fun on the way. If this culture needs repair, let’s be specific about what’s wrong. Here’s my list of THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF:


A) Cashiers who tell me how much money I just saved. Stores used to announce that they were cheaper than other stores; now they advertise that they charge some of their customers less than they charge other customers. Are they trying to alienate everybody, or just start fights? “Sir, you paid $3.25 for that item, but that gentleman in the parking lot saved nearly $2.00. If you hurry, you can beat the savings out of him.”

B) Retail employees who say hello or ask how I’m doing. When I go in my local community supermarket, I want to be treated like a human being. I do not want to be treated like an amnesia victim who doesn’t know why all these strangers are making conversation and asking personal questions that it’s rude to answer honestly. Are you all part of some horrible summer camp experience I’m blocking out of my memory?

C) People who turn nouns into verbs (“gift”, “dialogue”, “office”) Does the English language not have enough words in it? Was there not already a long list of words that meant “to dialogue”? People are eager to be the first on their block to use a new word, but they’re wary of using a word nobody else knows; so they just use an old word in a way that’s both WRONG and perfectly functional. Post-modernism in a nutshell.

D) Advertising that claims some abstract, fundamental part of life as that company’s exclusive territory: self-expression comes from Ikea; community comes from Starbucks, etc. Intelligence is the life in the wilderness, and advertising is the forest fire that’s forcing the evacuation. Do we really have to just put up with it? A commercial used to be a moment to get a snack from the kitchen; now it’s commercial endorsement contracts that fund our heroes’ retirements.

This list could continue indefinitely, and will continue later. Solidarity, brothers and sisters! Revolution is just a T-shirt away!!

Betsy Shebang





Copyright 2001 Betsy Shebang