OBJECTIVE: A temporary position involving data entry, explosives, or small children.

HIGHLIGHTS OF QUALIFICATIONS:
o Skilled at communication.
o Skilled at forcing others to communicate.
o Familiar with numerous software packages and intimidation techniques.
o Able to forsee and resolve problems quickly while returning fire.
o Type 57 wpm.
o Dresses snappy.
o Proven record of reliability. (See below, "Drug Convictions".)
o Extensive managerial experience.
o Detail-oriented.
o I'm holding your daughter.
o Wide variety of disguises.
o Willing to live in office when necessary.

RELEVANT SKILLS AND EXPERIENCE:
Computer/Technical:
o Extensive experience with computer security systems.
o Familiar with various timing devices.
o Can get cable TV at half price.

Customer relations:
o Dealt directly with thousands of frustrated or dissatisfied customers.
o Delivered information from superiors to clients with only minor property damage.
o Had six women in one night in 1993.
o I'm not lying! SIX!!

Copyright 2001 Betsy Shebang