I'm not happy there's a war on, but I just don't think everything's changed.

It is indeed a different world; my morning daydreams have shifted to thinking about how my guitar could be my carry-on luggage on my next plane flight, and a good swing of a solid-body Charvel copy could paralyze any box-cutter swinging -

Okay, it does feel like everything's changed; I'm sure the feeling is a thousand times more troubling and distracting in New York. Air travel has gotta be a more sobering experience than it has been. But...well, I keep noticing that not that much has really changed.

Of course, when Americans say "Everything's changed", what we're really saying is "Oh no, we're one step closer to being forced to live like they do in Europe!" God forbid. High gas prices, armed guards at train stations and airports, our cocksure self-absorption replaced with a mandate to acknowledge that we share the continent with people who don't speak English...doesn't our constitution forbid these things in that "Bill of Entitlements"? And why do they call Soccer "Football"?

A friend was on vacation in Europe for two weeks on Sept. 11th, and she wound up returning more or less on schedule. She was upset on the flight back: she and her husband had to split a meal, and they didn't get it until two hours after they were supposed to. Ten days after three hundred people died in hijacked plane crashes that might yet cost the nation its self-assured future, she described her transatlantic crossing with a grumbly stomach as "the flight from hell".

I really don't blame her for being crabby...but, you know, the terminology just gets tacky at the wrong moment.

Still, not much has really changed. We can still walk down to McDonald's and get a snack; we don't have to make soup out of wallpaper paste or old leather accessories. We don't have to collect bacon grease to contribute to the effort to prevent our people from being hauled into death camps. The main thing that's changed for most Americans is that borderline racists have been given another excuse to become full-blown homocidal vigilante bigot nutcases, shooting at anybody whose headwear doesn't carry a sports team logo. Maybe they were all on the edge anyway. Who knows.

I really don't mean to be making light of this. If I had any loved ones in the military, I'd still be siezed in terror and grief, instead of the aloof concern I've managed to adopt over recent weeks.

I've taken the political stickers off my car; it seemed the time. Now, driving is different. I now feel, I'm modestly ashamed to admit, that much more free to be a selfish, impolite driver. Republicans whom I cut off in traffic will still assume I'm an asshole democrat, but now Democrats who suffer from my selfishness will assume I'm an asshole Republican. Independents whom I cut off will probably assume I'm an asshole Libertarian. Libertarians whom I cut off in traffic will probably assume I'm acting within my rights. Then they'll shoot out my tires. Hmm.

Some friends are worried civilization is going to end; but strangely, I'm not...and strangely, I feel that way because...well, civilization has ended before. Libraries of whole civilizations have burned, societies have risen and fallen. Every day is a step forward and a step backward. Today, more of the steps seem to be going backwards; but history is always moving forward. I don't know what's going to happen when all this is over, but something will.

My best friend and his wife just had a baby. I'm an uncle...first time for that, really, even while some of my high school friends have kids old enough to drive. I'm not saying that in the light of this one child's smile is contained all the hope for Earth's future, blah blah blah, like some Whitney Houston dreck. It's just that...things keep on happening. Good things and bad things. Looking for the end of civilization or the conclusive meaning of the direction it's taken on...well, to a degree, that's just drama. The reality is very very complicated, and very tedious, and quite familiar in the long run. Just feels like everything's changed when it's me who might have lost a loved one in an explosion, when it's me who can't get back home, when it's me who's holding the baby.