August 15, 2001

Been wading in park puddles? You're under arrest!

I think everyone should obey the law, so the other day I decided one more time to review just what Pacifica's laws include. I scanned the municipal code.

You're in violation of the code if your vessel approaches within 500 feet of the pier without written permission from the PB&R Director. What I don't understand is how they can make that unlawful, since the city ends at the beach, or at least at the end of the pier. Since the school district boundaries are three miles out, perhaps something could be arranged. Or perhaps the ordinance refers to boats being towed by a truck on Palmetto Ave. In that case, stay away from Beach Blvd. if you're towing your yacht. It's against the law to carry on any calling or occupation without first having a Pacifica business license. It appears most Pacifica housewives, teachers and park rangers are in violation. I presume schools don't have business licenses, so I assume their teachers must. Housewifery is an occupation, and a very honorable state of being. If I read the ordinance correctly, it must also be licensed. The same $40 fee payable to the city probably applies to your minister or priest, I assume, unless your church has it's own business license.

It's a crime to wade within 100 feet of the pier, but it's also a crime to wade in the puddles that form after a rain in Frontierland Park, unless the city has designated those particular puddles for wading purposes. Perhaps you could get a puddle permit from City Manager Dave Carmany. I don't know if there's any minimum age, younger than which puddle permits are waived. Theoretically, even two year olds must apply.

Don't make unusual or unnatural noises, or noises that are unusual in their use. While that's a violation of the law, and punishable as such, I defy you, or the chief of police, to tell me what kind of noises would put me in violation.

If traffic delays your trip through Pacifica, don't express your frustration by sounding your horn.

Do you own or manage an apartment house? If a 17 year old boy or girl is babysitting after 11 p.m. in one of your apartments, you've a legal obligation to call the police chief immediately. Give him (or, sometime in the future, her)the name of the babysitter, his parent's or guardian's name, their last known address and other pertinent information. If a parent or guardian is babysitting the 17 year old babysitter in turn, everything's cool.

Every business establishment has the right to exclude patrons or prospective patrons. On the other hand, the ordinance is not supposed to be used to exclude people with long hair or unconventional dress. I don't know whether folks with long trailing beards and wearing sheets like Mahatma Gandhi have more rights than cleanshaven folks wearing suits and ties. I guess we need test cases to figure that out.

Tame any house mice on your premises before you put out traps. It's illegal to hunt, trap, shoot or pursue wild mice, and it's also illegal to use dogs to chase them down. I assume it's ok to swat a fly. On the other hand, before you swat that fly, your safest course of action might be to check with the city attorney.

When caring for zebras in Pacifica, follow all the ordinances that apply to horses. I'm not sure which ordinances apply to llamas, however. If you're spending time in one of our city parks, leave the buildings there. Taking any home is illegal. I presume that applies even to city-owned porta potties. While you're at it, don't put up any signs in the park. It can get very tacky, not to mention sticky, if you tack up or stick up signs.

Paul Azevedo's e-mail address is thereactor@earthlink.net