There's a certain place that you can go
Where the special music plays
It's just like Florida
Without the ultraviolet rays
A warm and inexpensive place
to spend your final days

When comes the time to say adieu
The feeling lingers still


You're getting closer all the time, just let your conscience be your guide
Won't find this place on any map, you must look deep inside
Yes, the feeling of that special love, that fits you like a glove
The zest, the nest, the family crest, will last your whole lives through

It's a family reunion
It's that special place inside


Best enjoy it while you can
For soon will come the day
When your father says you failed him
When you chose your fiancee
He'll call her sexist epithets 'n'
ask what her parents weigh
He'll say she looks a bit too ethnic
Then cut your name from the will

It's time to spend the afternoon with the people who remind you of
All the little things that hold you back and the big things you can't rise above
That cold and cruel genetic pool of stuff they can't undo at school
The heights, the spites, the screaming fights will last your whole lives through

It's a family reunion
It's that special place inside
It's the place you go when you've run out of places you can hide


And as your final decade slowly nears
You'll remember all the laughter and the tears
Dear old man, rusty van, we recall when we can
And no one dares discuss his final years

When he joined a gang of Italian bikers
Slept on cots, lived on pasta
double-crossed and lost the cash
he borrowed from the cosa nostra
Showed up needing crash space
hanging out with human dregs
Bet the family jewels in Vegas
And rudely died between the legs
of a costly prostitute who panicked when his face turned blue
And when the follow-through was through
I'll give you just one guess who gets the bill

So welcome home, kid, trick or treat, the show is starting, find your seat
You'll come to find it comforting the way these lines repeat
That special bond, the family pond, all spilled from father's magic wand
The shame, the blame, the same last name, will last your whole lives through

It's a family reunion
It's that special place inside
It's that heart of darkness where the things you're hoping for have died
It's the trap you set each time you let
Your conscience be your guide
It's a family reunion when there's no place left to hide